Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just forgot I was standing up.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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