Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
