She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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