If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
