There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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