Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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