bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
