no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
