her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
