I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
