I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
