look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
