i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
