there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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