Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
