so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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