Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize