i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
