I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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