When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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