When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
