i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
