Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
