I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
