Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can't special order awesome
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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