Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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