If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
