wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
