State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
