he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she smelled like a LAN party
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
