I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
