So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
