I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
