His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
