I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
