I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
