I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
