She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
