so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
