This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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