i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
