It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and she was petting her beer can
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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