So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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