His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
