Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
