I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
