New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
