I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
