how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
