Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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