It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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