Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Holy shit dude........stairs
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