I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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