My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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