I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize