Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
