She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
