i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
