This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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