Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
