I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
