Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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