Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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