he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
