Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
