He is such a slut. More and more my type.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
