I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
