the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize