I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i need to put some appletini on your dick
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
