All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
