so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
