Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
