I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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