someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna fight the coyote
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
