Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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