I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
