Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
