Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
