there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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