My hand turned me down
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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