its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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