Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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