the condom got lost in my hair
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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