dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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