but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
