if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
