You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
