I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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