There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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