i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
