I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
