I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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