Do you still have your period?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
