Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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