I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
