Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
