so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
