Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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