Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
