If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im holly from the hills drunk
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I forget how to act sober
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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