im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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