everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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