I just made out with a guy for $7.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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