i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
