Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
