i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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