we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
