When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
