is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
