I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
