I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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