I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
