my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
