my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
