I want to stick my p in your. b.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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