ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
