Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
