i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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