all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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